If I ever become the Evil Overlord

  1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.

  2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. As an extra security measure, there will bemotion and heat detectors every 12 inches.

  3. My noble half-brother, whose throne I usurped, will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in aforgotten cell of my dungeon.

  4. Any form of death will not be too good for my enemies.

  5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair, beyond theRiver of Fire, guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my pocket.

  6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them. I'll just kill them.

  7. When a rebel leader challenges me to a one-on-one battle, and asks, "Or are you afraid without yourarmies to back you up?", my reply will be "No, just sensible."

  8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Before you pull the trigger, can you tell me yoursecret plan?", I'll laser his ass, and then say "No"

  9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be immediately married in a quiet civil ceremony, not alavish spectacle in three weeks time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

  10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism in my mother ship.

  11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the cute and cuddly infant who is destined to overthrowme. I'll vaporize the kid myself.

  12. I will not interrogate my enemies within the walls of my secret inner sanctum. Any small space stationwell outside my borders will work just as well.

  13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will have no need to prove my superiority by droppingclues in the form of riddles, leaving weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat, or having theshackled-and-gagged rebel leader dragged behind me to witness the destruction of his home world.

  14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident. I'm not accountable to anyone,and my enemies wouldn't believe it, anyway.

  15. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy", and simply choose not show any.

  16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plans that he isable to spot will be corrected before implementation.

  17. All slain enemies will be vaporized, not left for dead at the bottom of a cliff. The announcement oftheir deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after theaforementioned disposal.

  18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, norwill they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.

  19. Rebel leaders will not be entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

  20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If, however, such a device is unavoidable,I will set it to blow when the counter reaches 180.

  21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will insure heis sufficiently twisted as to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's done.

  22. I will never utter the sentence: "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want you to know."

  23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

  24. I will periodically wipe out all members of my inner circle.

Choose from the list below to continue.

[ Jim and Scottie ]   [ Home ]   [ Art/Writers Gallery ]   [ Web Resources]  

[ Back to Humor List ]